All posts tagged help friend in divorce

How to Help Your Divorced Friend Deal with Dating

Man and woman have awkward first date at a movie theatre.

I remember when I first got married how thankful I was to be done with dating! Then when I was single again, I realized if I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, I’d have to get back to dating eventually.

Dating after divorce is different for everyone. Some may go through the healing process and feel ready to start over in a few months. Others may take years to feel ready. Hopefully you can help your friend learn from some of the mistakes I made in dating after divorce.

Jumping in Too Soon

It may be tempting for your friend to get right back into dating, but taking time to grow and heal from the divorce is the most important thing. Remind him or her to take time to focus on learning and healing from past mistakes to help foster a healthy relationship when the time is right. In my case, I began projecting mistakes from my marriage onto each person I dated because I hadn’t taken the time to fully heal from my past situation and work through my fears.

Jumping in Too Deep

Falling head over heels for the first person who shows interest is just as tempting as dating too soon. I found myself much too serious about the first guy I dated after my divorce and when it didn’t work out, I was devastated. Continue reading →

How to Be Vented To

One woman screams at another through a tin can telephone

When your friend wants to vent after an exasperating divorce-related experience, it’s not only understandable, but necessary.  A traditional African proverb says, “When elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.” When you provide a safe, objective space to vent, you help your friend protect his or her “grass” – whether that’s the children, mutual friends, extended family, or his or her own emotional and physical well-being.

Because it’s likely your friend will not be at his or her best when venting, here are some ideas to help you be a more skillful, compassionate listener. Continue reading →

6 Ways to Help: Divorce During the Holidays

support

My divorce was final on December 24, 2004 and I still remember the anxiety of spending the holidays alone with my daughter for the first time. Trying to make the season “merry and bright” when I felt everything but, was quite a challenge. If you know someone facing a lonely holiday season due to divorce, here are some ways you can help make it a little better.

Be Present
More than anything, no one wants to be alone for the holidays. S/he may have extended family to spend the actual holidays with, but leading up to those days can be just as lonely and painful. Invite your friend to some of your holiday functions, go shopping, or just to come over and have dinner or watch a movie so s/he isn’t sitting at home alone.

Be Supportive
One of the emotions that’s sure to be amplified at this time of year is a feeling of loss – a loss of family, traditions and security. Your friend is going to need to work through what s/he is feeling. A LOT. Let your friend know you are there for him/her, day or night. S/he may just want to talk, cry or have a hug. Continue reading →

Make A “Giving Back” Date

Woman Gives Gifts at a Food Drive

I’m pleased to share my thoughts on how to best support your friend who is dealing with divorce or a transition in her marriage. Each month, I plan to share one easy and empowering tip that you can suggest to your friend as a way to help. This month, it seemed natural to focus on the benefit of volunteering as a simple way to help overcome and avoid the blahs.

Winter can be stressful for everyone, not just for those in a period of change. Your friend may be facing unique challenges, including new family rituals, more time alone or economic shortfalls. Suggesting that your friend help others is a great way for her to help herself. Giving back improves one’s self-esteem and creates a sense of community. Clemens Pietzner, President, Triskeles Foundation sums it up nicely when he says, “For someone looking for meaning, involvement and possibly change, Continue reading →