It’s time for that class reunion, and you are freshly divorced. Part of you wants to show up to see old friends and catch up. Part of you feels you can only go if you fake your way through. And another part wants to avoid that reunion like the plague.
It’s confusing because in some quiet moments you are feeling braver, more hopeful, and more sure of yourself than you have in years. On the other hand, public appearances that entail the telling of your divorce story can fill you with dread and send you into orbit. Why?
Well…let’s talk about shame. It’s that insidious experience that can be as obscure and sneaky as a termite eating away at the foundation of your soul, or as blatantly crushing as a 6-ton elephant. It’s an intense feeling that coerces you to disappear or inflate when all you really want to do is show up and simply be you. Continue reading →
Despite the fact that up-to-half of all marriages end in divorce, it still seems to be spoken of in hushed voices with a raised brow and judgmental tone. I, too, once spoke of it in that way – before I knew better. I always thought divorce was for people who didn’t take their marriages seriously. After all, if you were truly committed, you could make it work, right?
When I learned that my preconceived notions of divorce were wrong, I found myself on the receiving end of hushed voices and raised eyebrows. I felt labeled and judged for a long time. Then, I realized the problem others had with my situation was because of their own preconceived notions and misunderstandings. I had to learn to respond to questions from them and myself in a healthy way. Continue reading →
No one has ever told me at the end of the divorce process they wish it had lasted longer.
Unfortunately, there are many things couples can do to ensure, upfront, that the divorce is handled rationally and with little disruption to everyone’s well being. Because it is tough for the people involved to stay calm sometimes, your role as a friend is critical. While in some conversations you should just let your divorcing friend vent, there will be other times when you can have a calm discussion about how to move forward. When your friend has decided to divorce and is ready to discuss that decision with his or her spouse and children, you can help by suggesting some practical thoughts about how to stay diplomatic. Continue reading →