“Nice” and “Divorce” aren’t usually two words you hear in the same sentence. Yet “nicer” divorces are a growing trend for a few good reasons. For starters, they generally can be handled more quickly and consequently, less expensively. They also leave fewer battle scars for everyone involved.
As the friend of someone who is getting divorced, you play a big role in helping your friend “play nice” during divorce. Start by encouraging your friend to work out difficult feelings in a healthy way: vent with friends or a therapist; hit the gym or get focused on finding a little “me time.”
You also may want to talk with your friend about handling their divorce the “nice way” by checking out mediation and collaborative law practices. If she’s still not convinced, share these three great reasons to ditch the nasty attitude:
- You Value Your Health. Did you know chronic stress puts your health at increased risk for heart disease? Of course no divorce is stress free, but you can cut your stress down exponentially if you are kinder during divorce. Try this little trick to quickly weed out items you shouldn’t really stress about. Every time you feel like something during the divorce is stressing you out, ask yourself this question: “Will this really matter to me 10 years from now?” If the answer is no, let it go. You’ve heard the expression “pick your battles?” Well, now’s the time to pick them.
- You Have Children. Hands down the number one reason to be nice during a divorce is if you have children together. I’ve been collecting stories from children of divorce for more than three years now and the overwhelming complaint is the nastiness and negativity that one parent shares with their child regarding the other parent. Often times the child may side with the parent that is doing the name calling. However, this attitude shifts as the child gets older. According to the stories I have collected, almost all the children resent the parent that bad mouthed and end up siding with the other parent. Being nasty actually has the opposite effect.
- Your Future is Bright. Don’t let the past keep you from your future. If you are kind during divorce, you will have less anger to bring forth to your future. Your life isn’t over just because you are getting divorced. This is the perfect opportunity for you to have a second chance at a wonderful life.
If it all seems too hard to be kind due to your difficult situation, try to think of it like a different way. By being mean and nasty, you are proving to your ex how you can’t move on. You are continually showing your ex that you can’t grow up and be a positive role model for your children. You are letting your ex get the best of you.
So be nice and prove them all wrong! The upside is all yours.